These true stories all have something in common. They are indications of a breakdown in self-responsibility, the key factor in personal and corporate wellness.

Self-responsibility means that employees see themselves as in charge of their individual destinies. It means employees make their own decisions without giving in to manipulation. It is a positive attitude, which means that they do not waste time blaming themselves or others when things go wrong. Instead they take responsibility and move on. When things go well, they enjoy the fact that they played an important part in that success.

We can foster a greater sense of self-responsibility in the workplace through educational programs that emphasize wellness and assertiveness. We can also join the trend in organizational structure toward the use of peer groups and self-managed work teams.

Assertiveness training classes teach employees not only how to resist manipulation on the job, but also how to take charge of many situations in their personal lives. They develop a general attitude of self-responsibility. The trend toward self-managed work teams and middle managers as coaches rather than supervisors demands that employees become better self-starters and more in charge of situations.

We can engage the employees’ interest in a more “take charge” approach in the workplace by showing them the benefits of self-responsibility in their personal lives. The wellness model shows the benefits of self-management not only to personal health, but to success in the workplace. It is not only healthier and less expensive, but also more pleasurable to take charge of our health rather than leave it to the medical system.

I recount experiences in my seminars that illustrate how quickly we place authority in other people, sometimes without good foundation, and how we can change our thinking to take charge of situations in our lives. Here are two of my favorite stories:

You Are the Authority

Have you ever had someone call you on the phone and say they were doing some kind of survey, but you knew that at the end they were going to try to sell you something? What do you do when that happens? Do you buy the product? Do you listen to the whole spiel and then say that you’re not interested? Do you put the phone on your shoulder and say “Uh huh” now and then while you’re doing something else? Or do you quickly hang up, get angry and watch your blood pressure go up?
Once I tried something different when a young man called and said that he wanted to ask me some questions.

I said “I’d be glad to answer you questions, but first I have some questions I have to ask you. What is the name of the company that you’re working for?”
He told me.
“And where are you calling from?”
“Omaha, Nebraska.”
“What’s the phone number there – in case I want to call you back?”
He gave me the phone number.
“And the street address from which you’re calling?”
He answered.
“What is your name?”
“Bill.”
“And your last name?”
He told me.
Then I asked, “And your home phone number?”
After a brief pause, he said, “Uhhh... I don’t think I’m supposed to be answering all these questions.” And he hung up on me!

Why is it that when someone calls us, we feel obligated to assume the role of someone who’s being interviewed? We almost feel rude asking them questions! That is a perfect example of manipulation. The telephone sales people know they will be catching you off guard.

There are all sorts of situations in which it becomes difficult for the average person to resist pressure. We can learn to resist by recognizing what pushes our buttons. Then we can work on overcoming those feelings.

Nancy, the computer analyst, could begin practicing saying no by turning the tables on people who try to assume authority with her. With salespeople who call on the phone, it’s less threatening and less important than with our coworkers, so it’s a good place to start.

She will learn not only how to seek authority within herself in those situations, but also at work and in her personal relationships. She will begin to realize that if she continues to succumb to pressure and work too hard, she will burn out and not be useful to her company or herself.

If John starts practicing assertiveness, he may come to realize that much of his drive comes from letting the company run him rather than the other way around. His assertiveness will allow him to say “This is my limit.” In fact, executives of corporations that successfully use the self-managed work team approach often find that the less they do, the better the company runs!

Taking charge of your health and your life reduces stress and leads to open and honest communication that helps any organization run more smoothly.

You Are Responsible

Through traveling, I have sensed that a culture of blame seems especially prevalent in the United States. There are places in the world where people don’t blame each other for their problems as much as we do here.

On a trip to Australia, I was fortunate to be invited to ride on the Kookaburra 12, one of Australia’s America’s Cup yachts. We were practice racing with the Kookaburra 11. The other American on the yacht was the person I was doing seminars with – Don Ardell, the author of High Level Wellness.

I enjoyed seeing how eleven men sailed a yacht. Their expertise was inspiring. After taking a three hour ride, it was time for Don and me to go to shore. A boat called the “chase boat” pulled up alongside the Kookaburra. It was a long, skinny boat with no place for passengers to sit. The pilot was standing and holding onto the wheel.

The chase boat is used primarily to bring new equipment out to a yacht during an actual race. If a sail ripped, the chase boat could go to shore and get a new one. It had to be very fast, but we didn’t know any of that. It didn’t even register what the ride would be like when we saw the two outboard 440 horsepower engines.

The pilot of the boat said “Hop aboard, mate!” and we did. Don and I stood behind the pilot and proceeded to take pictures of each other when the young sailor looked at us impatiently and said “You might want to hold onto something.” We found railings on either side of the boat and placed our hands on them.

The pilot shrugged his shoulders and the next thing we knew we were going 100 miles an hour. We fell to the deck and held on for dear life. There was nothing in the water but the two propellers. The boat was slapping up and down on the water, as our butts were bouncing on the deck. Our hats had flown off into the sea, and the cameras that hung from our necks were banging against our bodies.

The muscles in my forearms were cramping, and I wanted to turn my hands around on the railing to get a different grip. But I was afraid that if I let go with one hand even for an instant, I wouldn’t be able to hold on with my other hand. I would let go, fly off the boat – and die!

Don is an Ironman Triathlete who wins his division – much stronger than I am – so I looked over to him for reassurance. Our eyes met and I saw his look of absolute terror.

He was thinking the same thing I was about the hands. I saw him turn one hand around quickly, so I knew it was possible. It did it too. It was the longest fifteen-minute ride of my life. There are pictures of us on the shore, eyes wide and grinning, thinking “I’m alive!”

Now if you were to go on a ride like that in the United States, you’d have to wear a life vest, seat belt and helmet. You’d have to take a test to see that you could swim a mile, sign a waiver form saying that you wouldn’t sue anyone if you got hurt, and then you still couldn’t do it because it’s too dangerous.

In Australia, they just say “Hop aboard, mate!”

Don and I were not in control of the situation. I think that because we are used to the protective American culture, we expected that the Australians were taking care of us. They wouldn’t let us get into any trouble, we thought.

But there is less litigation and governmental regulation in Australia, so you need to look out for yourself. It taught me to ask the right questions more often, and not to blame others when something goes wrong.

My friend in Los Angeles who sees litigation as a way to make a living has succumbed to a culture of inaction and blame, and may be less self-responsible in many aspects of his life. As I see it, he’s missing out on the benefits of a take charge attitude.

We have a highly developed legal system in the United States. With 6% of the world’s population, we have 80% of the world’s attorneys. We also have more governmental protections in America, and they have their place. But even with protection and legal recourse, I find that a philosophy of self-responsibility is still beneficial to us. By asking more questions and keeping our eyes open, we learn more and make better decisions about our health, our work, and our lives.

How to Promote Self-Responsibility

With more companies turning to self-managed work teams, it is increasingly important for employees to question authority. Instead of the traditional top-down hierarchy, ideas need to come from all sides. Brainstorming sessions that allow freedom of expression are a great way to generate ideas from employees and empower them with ownership of the company’s policies.

If a CEO encourages assertiveness and questioning from employees, then there will be three positive effects. 1) There will be less stress among employees, 2) There will be more than one person whose ideas are carried out, and 3) The CEO will benefit from the good ideas that come from all kinds of people who work for the company. Probably the best way to motivate employees to ask questions and seek authority within themselves is to do it ourselves. Do you have a take charge attitude in your life and work? As Dr. John Travis once told me, “You can’t change other people. You can only change yourself and then no one around you remains the same.”

When we counsel employees, we can use language which implies that they are responsible for their health and their success, and make sure that we are not taking the responsibility for them. Instead of solving their problem, we can lead them to tools for solving it themselves. It’s sometimes more difficult and takes more time, but it pays off in the end.

We can provide programs that offer benefits to employees’ personal lives. For example, I am currently finding a renewed interest in stress management programs. I title mine “Secrets Busy People Know About Handling Stress.” It lets people know that I recognize they are probably overscheduled and I’m not going to waste their time or teach them techniques that are too time-consuming.

In addition to relaxation techniques that people expect in a stress management program, I teach the assertiveness skills which I believe are so important. Often when I give the participants a personality questionnaire, I find that most of them need assertiveness skills more than relaxation techniques.

By offering wellness seminars that include assertiveness techniques, we teach employees how to be more effective at what they want to achieve in their lives. The skills that they learn help them to be more self-sufficient at their jobs, and the company often sees that they are healthier and more productive.

SECRETS SHARED BY GOOD SELF-MANAGERS

Successful self-managers:

1. Seek authority within themselves.

2. Remember that “No” is a complete sentence.

3. Look to the future. Instead of placing blame for mistakes, they ask themselves what they’re going to do to correct a situation.

4. Realize that we have a human need to be in control. While they can’t control their bosses, their clients or their company, they find whatever piece of the picture they can control and focus on that.

5. Are flexible and willing to change their goals as the environment changes.

6. Assign only the result that they want to get, and let work teams figure out how they’re going to make it happen.

7. Are positive in their outlook and vision. They treat obstacles as challenges.


Robert Fellows is author of Easily Fooled: New Insights and Techniques for Resisting Manipulation (available at Amazon.com, BN.com, and Borders.com). Fellows combines a Master of Theological Studies degree from Harvard University with over 25 years of experience as a professional public speaker and corporate entertainer.